June 22, 2006

This is taken directly from my journal... I did my best previously to go day to day but since i didn't start my personal jounal until June 21, and Chuck stopped writting in his there is a gap so bare with me.. Some of this entry will recap the previous info...

To recap a bit more...
Aiden was doing pretty well for a 24 weeker then came another scare. Minus the two family meetings we had already had, this was a nerve racking day on top of all the normal worries.
Aiden had to have surgery to fix the PDA. At this point I was just a mess. Scared I was going to lose my baby and scared he'd be in pain. He went in for the surgery and came out ok. That was such a great feeling! He was only 5 days old and stood strong through it all. His nurse Elly said he did fabulous. His heart rate and blood pressure was on point. I'm still amazed of what he has faced and fought his way through. All I can say is this boy is a trooper. Just AMAZING!!!
My visits to the hospital consist of sitting by his isolete and holding aiden's tiny fingers, or shall I say him holding my finger. I've gotten to change him twice, take his temp and touch him, but he is too little for me to hold still. I look forward to doing kangaroo care him. i look forward to so many things.
Aiden is now 11 days old and been through so much. I look at him everyday and fall in love over and over again. My world has changed and I can't picture him not being here with us.
As I sit here writting I have so many emotions. I miss Aiden every second of everyday and don't know how to deal with that. Tomorrow is Chase's birthday and i struggle with still missing him and the loss I still feel. Now I have to go back to the NICU and visit Aiden again and pray the results of his new tests are ok. That his belly gets better and all the bad goes away. Please god just make it go away.. make my little boy healthy and strong..

Filling in the gap some more...
Aiden's belly continues to be a problem. He vomited dark green bile twice and they had pumped some out of his belly. It was mentioned to us they thought it might have been from the acids building in his belly. So they are going to continue to watch him..
Well it wasn't acid building. It was the begining of NEC, (Necrotizing Entrocolitis) they think. This is NOT good for a baby, any baby, nevermind one as tiny as Aiden. In bad cases the intestines preferates and the maconium or fecal matter empties into the abdomine, even worse is that inmost cases part of the intestines is dead, so the baby has to have surgery to see if they can remove the dead tissue and fix what is left. I am very worried, this could be the downward spiral we are affraid of.
They have to do more tests to be sure what is going on...
We found out today Aiden does have NEC for sure, and there is atleast one hole in his intestines. This is why his belly looks so big and blueish in color. We met with the surgons when we got back to the hospital and we were given 3 options. 1 was to send Aiden to surgery so they can open his abdomine and see what, if anything can be fixed and what is left of his intestines. 2 to put drains in and see if they can drain his abdomine and run him on some more antibiotics and hope that this will help the issue until he is strong enough to go to surgery. (In a perfect case the holes would heal over after the abdomine was drained and none of the intestines would be dead) or option 3 do nothing and make the decision that he has been through enough already. WELL... 1 isn't an option because weknow for a fact Aiden is not strong enough and stable enough to make it through surgery and 3 is not an option because I refuse to give up on my son and let him go. So we both chose option two, to put in the drains and go from there.
While the drains are in they will see what comes out and also run him on a 14 day course of antibiotics. Again my stomach is in knots and I can't think of anything else but Aiden and what he is going through.

The docs come and put the drains in and from what they told us, right away they drained alot of maconium. That's a relief that they got some of that out of him. Now it's a waiting game once again. They advised us to stay at the hospital tonight to be close by. We have no idea what is going on at this point. I'm just worried.. I don't want to lose him..