July 28, 2006

What a very long day. I was at the NICU for a little over 12 hours today. It got later and later and I just couldn't bare to leave. I am really getting tired of "leaving Aiden behind". It's killing me, I wanted to cry.
He is now on two antifungal meds for the yeast infection just incase. He now has 3 IV's in and is still puffy. He's got adema so the fluid shifts around depending on how he is laying. He did look better today in the face. His eyes were not swollen like last night and he weighed in at 1260 grams (down 40) so that is good. He got another eye exam tosay which ruled out the yeast. They said they were going to do it Monday but when I got in today they were already in the middle of it. Well no yeast there, so in all honestly, they don't know where the source of the yeast was from. All I know at this point is I want it gone so they can try to feed him again. He needs to eat, he is becoming jaundic do to not eating. The liver can't get rid of the bilirubin building up and that can cause issues too. I hate this feeling of worry, it really eats you up inside. He did go poops twice today, once at 4am and again at 8am. Both maconium and the second one was a lot from what I am told. I hope this means he is pushing everything out so when they, if they, attempt to try feeds again, it will go off with out a hitch. If Aiden can get over this infection, start eating, and digest with out an issue, he will then go on to CPAP and then just nasal canula and our goal wil be to be home by Oct 1st the latest. But before we can even think of that he needs to start eating and digesting.

I'm just stressed out, I think the owrry of work coming up, not being able to see Aiden as much once I am back to work, and all of lifes normal ups and downs is building up and getting to me. I'm just tired, I don't get to bed til 4am most nights, then in the morning I am dead to the world and trying to function to do it all over again. I just want to know Aiden is going to be ok, then maybe I could sleep at night. I miss him so much and just want him home with me. I hate not being with him and walking out the door every night. I know every day is one day close to the goal, but I just wish it would "fly" by and Aiden was here with me NOW!!!