August 20, 2006

I'm just so tired.. It took me a while to fall asleep last night and I didn't sleep very well. When I did get up this morning I was tripping over myself. My stomach is in knots and my head hurts from worring so much. I know I am suppose to stay positive and I am trying, but I just scared. I know Aiden is stronger and bigger this time but I know he has already been through so much that he has got to just be tired at this point of fighting all these bumps in the road. Maybe it is just me who is tired and he is a lot stronger then I am. I hope that is the case, so he can whip this and be done with it.

As for peanut, well all day he was just sleepy. He didn't move much and his tummy was really distended. It measured 29 cm and that is way up from what it was (25). They took him off one of the antibiotice and he's just getting the singel one that goes in every 8 hrs. This one covers so much and a lot of gastrointestinal things.

Tonight he woke up a little but here and there and looked at me as I alked to him. I can tell he isn't liking the vent tube in his mouth, and they did talk about removing it abod putting him back on the nasal canula but then decided not to and to wait. He has been breathing over the vent here and there but when he gets sluggish he rides it, meaning he is only getting the breaths given to him by the vent and since it was so hard to get him tubed again this time due to swelling they chose to wait a bit longer.
He did go to the bathroom a few times today and there is still blood in his stool. Not bright bright red blood but it's still in there. The Xrays have showed that air is moving through the intestines which is a good thing. The first two showed darkness near the retum area, which makes you think something is worng and the air is not passing through. But the last few showed air all the way to the bottom. As I type this I feel like I am talking about weeks ago and not tonight. It is all so unreal that this is happening to him yet again.

At the rate we are going now, if the antibiotics work, and Aiden does perf his intestines, then it will probably be about 3 weeks before they will fed him again. He'll start off with 2 cc's like before and have to work back up to full feeds. All this sets us back ( I am guessing) about a month or so. I already hate going to the NICU. Not because of the people, just because it reminds me more and more that he isn't home and time is no longer flying by. I hate not being there every second but when I am there I hate the fact that I am so useless. I feel helpless because I can;t make him better.

Please everyone keep praying for Aiden. We need our little boy to be ok and have the chance every kid should have. To grow up big and strong and have a good life with all of us who love him. Keep sending the positive energy, I know we could all use it, and I thank you all in advance