September 21, 2006

Today is a day of mixed emotions. Aiden is doing well once again on his feeds. They bumped him up to 26 calorie neocate formula and so far so good with that too. My lower emotions come from him haveing a few "episodes" today. He dsat'd and basiclly "forgot to breath" as they say. This happened last week, if you remember correctly and they send blood cultures and did a CBC to check him for infection because it's not like him to do this. Well nothing ever cam back from the cultures and the CBC was fine. Now today he did it again. Not once, not twice, but a few times. The last time was at 4:45 and yes I was right there for it all. It wasn't a good scene. He was gray in color and just not breathing. We stimulated him by rubbinghim and had to put the oxygen bag on him. This "episode" lasted about 30 seconds, which is about 29 seconds too long in my book.
We had a meeting today, and talked to the doc after his last episode. He isn't sure why this is happening. They are going to continue to do CBC's and ran blood cultures again. They also chose to pull his pic line in case of infection and put him on antibiotice for the next 48 hrs at least to to be safe. If the cultures don't grow anything and his platelets go up along with his white blood cell count, then they will take him off the antibiotics. With his white count down a bit and his platlets off too, that is usually signs of infection, but so far we can't find anything. His platelets did go up since yesterday which is good but are still lower then they should be.

On a good note, since his pic line is out they did have to put a normal IV in his hand for the antibiotics but, with no pic I got to dress him up in big kid clothes, and not just jammies. Oh my did he look cute. I know it's a mommy thing but he is adorable if I may say so myself.

For now I am just trying to hang tight and hope that this issue goes away, that the episodes will just stop and even if nothing comes of it, we can just chalk it up as one of them things.
I just don't want to see him go through anything else. I don't want him getting sick again.
I'm still praying he will be home by the end of October. That will be a month past his due date. Part of me feels like I am kidding myself, but CHuck said tonight that he thinks he will be home by then. I sure hope so.. I don't think I can take two more months of being in the NICU and not having Aiden home with me. I don't think I have EVER wanted winter to come and go so fast like I do now, but I know once it is here, it means Aiden will be home. I am back to being like I was when he was first born, and missing him every second that I am not sitting with him. But when I am with him, I just want to take him home with me. I am really getting tired, and tired of leaving him behind. All I can say is I don't wish a NICU stay on any parent. It's such a long road and some days I'm just not sure if the light at the end of the tunnel is really light or my imagination playing tricks on me again. Right now this tunnel seems endless.

Keep praying all.. I know it's just a matter of time, but it's just hard some times. Just really hard!