June 24, 2007

Some new Pics of Aiden and his new duds.. He's all ready for Golf with Daddy and Uncle Eddie.. lol

June 23, 2007

Happy 2nd Birthday Chase !!

We LOVE & MISS YOU more then words can say

xoxox

Mommy, Daddy

Aiden, Morgan & Riley

June 22, 2007

It's getting to me and emotions are high. I tried so hard to get to tomorrow with out a break down, and I am sure that being pregnant with hormones raging, trying to get things ready for the move next week, and dealing with a 1yr old who is teething and not dealing very well with the fact that mommy is getting to big to pick him up and rough house is not helping.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of Chase's Birthday, which is the same day he passed. In my mind it's as fresh as if it just happened a few hours ago. Two years later and it's not any easier to think about. I miss him so much it breaks my heart. I look at Aiden and my mind constantly plays the "I wonder and what if game". Yes I know I shouldn't do that, but it's easier said then done, and if you have never lost a child then you have no idea.

The loss gets easier day to day, but you NEVER forget and you never stop missing. You never stop hurting at times like this. A parent should never have to bury a child and I would not wish this loss on my worst enemy.

My only comfort is knowing that he is at peace, he is our angel, and will never feel pain. In my heart I feel like he watches over us, and knows that we love him.

With all my heart I love you angel baby, and I send you up kisses. One day I will see you again and until then know you are forever a piece of my heart that no one can ever replace.

June 11, 2007

Aiden...

One day you may read this and i want you to know that I love you. You are the greatest gift any parent could ask for. You are my heart, my soul, and my life and every ounce of struggle has been worth the pain to have you here with us today.

Your an amazing child and i am so proud of you. You have gone through so much in such a short time and come so far. Your a happy, loving, baby who just loves people and attention.

My birthday wish for you is that you grow up always knowing I love you more then words can say. That all your dreams come true, and happiness is yours for the taking.

Happy Birthday my beautiful baby boy... I Love You Bug xoxox

Mommy

2:22PM HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIDEN !!!!!!!

Born June 11, 2006
Due Sept 28, 2006

1 pound 6.5 ounces
12.5 inches

Currently

1 year old
adjusted age 8.5 months

21 pounds
28 inches

June 10, 2007

All Done MOMMY !!!

June 9, 2007

My quilt everyone signed while I was in the NICU

Our 2 NICU buddies Duane and Darius

Sitting with Daddy opening presents

Happy Almost Birthday to our baby Boy.. AIDEN !!!

Aiden's party was a blast... He enjoyed himself all day. The one day that he was held the entire time by one person or another. By the time is came down to going to bed he was so tired, but kept getting up thinking he was still missing something. It's like he knew it was his day and he wasn't letting a second go by with out him.

Cake time was a blast.. Aiden of course had his own little cake that in the begining he wasn't sure he wanted to eat it. Then he tried some and still wasn't sure. After a minute or so, he all of a sudden dug in and went for it.. He was so sure at the end and gave me this look like on mommy I'm done now, and I got the perfect picture of it..

I am sure there will be more pics as he will have cake tomorrow for his actual birthday..
June 11 at 2:22pm he will officially be a year old..

I love you but, I couldn't say it enough, i only hope I can be the best mommy for you and that all your dreams and wishes come true. xoxo

June 8, 2007

So Aiden went to the "funny head doctor" and he said that is head is not that far off from the normal. yes he has a small spot in the back but the size and shape of his head is nothing to worry about and as for a helmet he thinks in his professional opinion that it would be more trouble then it's worth for something that is not bad and has corrected so much already on it's own.

So there will be no helmet and someone agrees with me that my kid doesn't have "a funny shaped head" and it's the doctor who does this for a living and deals with children all the time that need correcting.

Other then that we are just getting all the last minute things does for his birthday party tomorrow. YAY for Aiden.. and yes I am sure I will have plenty of cake face pictures to post.

Happy Almost 1 Aiden..

We love you so much Bug!!! xoxo Mommy & Daddy

June 6, 2007

Ok It's official, I am tired of doctors saying my kid has a funny shaped head.. Grrrrr
His damn head is fine.. Sorry to be so rude, but enough already. First it was funny shaped when he came home from the NICU in November from sleeping on his back so much. Even though they rotate the babies, Aiden always found his spot and didn't care how they moved him. Once home he did the same for a while then started to sleep in all different positions. Now he doesn't even sleep on his back often. He may fall asleep like that for a second but 99.9% of the time he sleeps either on his left side or his right and always alternates. His head is "normal" in my eyes and he has a tiny flat spot on the back. Nothing that effects him and once he gets more hair you won't even see it. Even if he grows up and has really short hair.
Believe me I am very idiotic about things like that. i know people are mean, and so are kids and I don't want there to be ANY reason anyone can pick on my kid. Even his g-tube I cover so people don't ask questions or stare. Well questions I could handle, it people who stare and don't ask that bother me, as they would anybody I think. So if his head were odd, I'd be the first to say something. Trust me, in the NICU I commented about it all the time to Chuck, to his nurses, to anyone who saw him. No one wants a messed up melon.

NOW TODAY the neurology doctor noticed the flat spot. Ok fine, and then the 2nd doctor comes in (there is always two) and he says yes i see what you mean. He said something about this head being funny shaped and flat on the top and something about the sides.. (to be honest I was so annoyed by this it sounded like the teacher on the peanuts going whaa whaa whaa) Thank god Chuck was with us. Then they decided that he will be sent to see a special doctor who deals with helmets and kids with funny shaped heads.. (believe it or not that was the doctors words) He the asked if anyone in our family had funny shaped heads like Aiden.. Unn ok, what are you seeing that i don't. So Chuck said well i have a flat spot, and then i said my mom does too, but neither on I think looks funny. Y.ou can't even tell

AGAIN his head is not funny... I have posted a ton of pictures of him on here that people see all the time, we just saw his NICU nurse yesterday, everyone I know sees him all the time and No one thinks he has a funny shaped melon. AND the top of his head is fine, and NOTHING is wrong with the sides..

Is it me? Am I just not seeing it because it's my child? But if that is the case, why do so many other people agree with me.

So with that said, we got an appt with the "head doctor" lol this Friday. She had someone cancel on her so she put us in. If not for that it would be a few months. They have a cut off for helmets which is 12 months of age because by then it's so much harder to fix, but for a preemie they go by there "adjusted age" so Aiden still has time. Although I have talked to his E.I. worked and she knows kids older that have had helmets and they worked.

Either way I don't want him to have one but if there going to do it then I wish they would just get it done. From what I am told it would be about 8 weeks he'd have to wear it for it to "round" his head to a "perfect" head.. I can live with that.. I can't live with anymore talk of my baby having a funny head, when I think it's ok..

Ok i am done ranting..

Other then that, the appt went well. The doctor thought he was doing awesome, and right on target for his corrected age as for following and tracking things, for transfering things from one hand to the other and grabbing the things he wanted from the doctor. He said as for sitting up he seems to be getting it and with a little more time he'll do fine. With crawling he said do not be surprised if he doesn't crawl, he really thinks Aiden is going to bypass crawling and just go to walking. I guess we will see. The only other thing we need to work on his muscle tone in his legs. He has lots of muscle but is a little tight still so we got to work him out and loosen him up a bit. Being tight is common for preemies and more common with preemies who have had brain bleeds (most 24 weekers do)..

To sum it all up, he is a happy healthy baby boy turning 1 on June 11, (adjusted age will be exactly 8 1/2 months). He is a wonderful son, and loved more then anything in the world. He is a joy to us and so many people and doing things on his own time schedule as far as I am concerned. And he has plenty of time..

May 30, 2007

I am not even sure how to start this post as I sit here in tears. Not because of Aiden, or the current pregnancy, but for a baby and a family I don't even know.
The past few days I have been following a few new blogs. This particular one is a family who had triplets roughly about 3 months ago. They were also 24 weekers (2 boys and a girl).
When I found the blog, the family had already lost there little girl and one of the boys, and were fighting with everything they had for there 3rd little one Jaxon.
As I read more and more, it hit so close to home. That some days I had to stop due to getting too emotional and being pregnant with twins right now makes it harder. I just feel so connected to them, and it doesn't help that some of them pictures remind me of Aiden.
They had lost the first 2 babies 6 days after they were born, and lost Jaxon yesterday morning.
My heart hurts for them. He was going through so much and a lot of it was the same things Aiden went through. Unknown infections, NEC, laser surgery for ROP, low blood pressure, and the list goes on.
When I read today he passed, I had a feeling before I even looked, but it tore me up inside.
So I am asking to please pray for the McConathy family. I know oh so well what it's like to lose a child, and what it's like to fight your way through the NICU. I can not imagine losing 3 with in months..

As I read there blog http://www.babysites.com/sites/mcconathy1
I feel very blessed to have Aiden here with us. With all we went through, and all he fought his way through, in the end he survived and as the obvious situation shows, that doesn't always happen.

I know my son is strong and went through so much, but it could have turned out so differently.
He has changed my life, and I could not picture my world with out him. My only wish right now is that no baby would ever have to go through all these things, and that Aiden's brother Chase was here with us too.. God I miss him so much.

I'm also asking you to pray for the Fox family.. They also had triplets (3 girls) and have lost two (Georgia & Livia) to NEC, what Aiden had twice and almost died from the first time. Right now there doctors are watching Nina for the same thing. They are not positive she has it, but taking every precaution. http://foxmiracles.blogspot.com/

May 15, 2007

Not too much to update here.. OT came to evaluate Aiden last Thursday and will come back in 2 weeks. The lady is really good and gave a lot of suggestions to do to help with him learning a bottle or a cup. I think (and so does she) that we may just by pass the bottle all together and go right for the cup. In the mean time we (me and Chuck) have been working with him using his sippy cup and he's doing pretty good for just starting to realize what it is and what he should do with it.

Today was the first day that he picked it up and took a few sips with out pouring too much in his mouth. He does ok when we guide him, but today he did it all by himself. He didn't sputter or cough once. He drooled a little out but hey, he's a drooler now any ways. I'll take it!

Other then that it's just working with him more and more and I know he'll get it. He's taken to it pretty good so far. He's also doing better at standing when being help, and when you say stand up he knows what you mean. He still loves to bounce though. We should of named him Tigger!!

He's also doing better at sitting up on his own. At times he'll get situated and sit perfect for 15 seconds. Then he gets so excited and pushes back and wants to stand that he falls over.
Another thing I remind myself in all due time, he'll get it..

For the most part he is a very happy kid. He has his moments, like yesterday when he is a screaming banchie, but part of that was I thin he has bad gas yesterday and was just not happy.
Although today he is a totally different baby then yesterday, and trust me that is a GREAT thing.

Well the great thing is calling, and it is about time for bed for him, so until next time..

March 7, 2007

It's been a busy week end, we had the March of Dimes, Walk america on Saturday and then looked at houses for sale on sunday, all in all it was a good week end.

The walk was great. I did the best I could but didn't want to over do it so I was slower then some. Aiden enjoyed the time out in the fresh air and a funny thing happened to us.
As most of you know we started doing the walk in honor of Chase. Well as he is always on my mind he was even more so on Saturday, in my heart all though the walk honors Aiden and all preemies, it helps me do something for Chase who isn't here with us..... Or is he..
I say this cause this year they changed the route we walk and added on another mile. The new route brought us down roads I've never been down before. With Chase on our minds and in my heart, as we walked a sign popped up. It said CHASE Inc.
Now how weird is that?? So me being who I am made everyone who made it, on our team take a pic (one person is missing and we thank you Elisa for taking the pic)
To me this was my sign from Chase saying "don't worry Mommy I am here with you all"
I almost cried but instead smiled. Although I did cry later thinking about it. It just makes me miss him more and more.
So i am posting some pics of the walk, hope all you enjoy..

On another note, all is going great with Aiden. I forgot to mention in my last post that he had his eye appt and in one eye he is a bit near sighted. They are going to watch it and see if it gets better or worse. If it worsens well that just means he'll have to wear glasses when he is a little bigger. Right now it also causes him to have a bit of a cross eye. You don't really notice, or I don't, unless he is super concentrating on something or if he is really really tired. It's actually kinda cute, but I do hope it corrects, cause I don't want to have to beat any kids up later in life for picking on my little man.. ha ha ha (Don't mess with mamma bears cubs!)

He also has OT coming for the first time to evaluate him on Thursday with his PT. She is going to work with him with a sippy cut and possibly a bottle, which at this point I can do with out the bottle, it's less to ween him from later. He now knows what the sippy cup is and what to do with it just from me working with him, but still doesn't get the concept that he has to suck the juice out. He will tip it toward his mouth but gets mad when nothing comes out and if I take the stopper out he pours too much in.. So every day is a new try. But he is learning and that is what counts.

He also stood for me today for about an entire minute, then did it again for about 30 seconds. i was holding him of course, but you have to remember this is the kid who refuses to stand and just wants to bounce and jump every second. So today was a really good day for us, and we got to go to dinner with his Oma and Grampa and family for Oma's birthday..
Happy Birthday Oma, from Aiden and the clan xoxo

Well enjoy the pics and I will post more soon..

April 23, 2007

Some new pics taken today...

April 21, 2007

Aiden's pulmonary doctor was amazed at him. He said this kid is doing awesome look at him. (and I am sure daddy was smiling) He told CHuck that he thinks we should talk to early intervention and have them start Aiden with OT as soon as possible. That they will help him learn a sippy cup and or a bottle if we prefer, but that the cup is fine.
They will also work with his other "skills" which is fine with me. The more help and skills the better he'll be off. He also mentioned that he was going to talk to Aiden't pedi to set up something for "head forming" it's a pillow type thing that he'll sleep with. NOT A HELMET (that cost $1500 of 8 weeks) that still blows my mind.. Grrr
Either was it makes me laugh cause to be honest his head is fine. Yes my little one has a bit of a flat spot. BUT he is far from having FHS , and once he actually grows some more hair I don't think you'd even be able to tell. If it thought it was a major deal I'd be the first one to worry.

I use to worry when he was smaller, his head was round but a little off, and then he got a flat spot from being in the NICU and always wanting to sleep facing the same way. Once he came home in Nov. he was more active and i was always moving him and in time it got better. The spot on the side went away and the roundness of his entire head shaped up well.. So now it's the small flat spot in the back and the slight, ever so slight imperfection of complete roundness of his head. But come on, who has a perfect head.. I've seen some messed up melons out there in the world and my kid is far from having one of them. It doesn't have any effect on brain function and even my mom has a big flat spot on the back of her head.. You would never know unless you felt for it, but she is perfectly fine.. So I guess I will keep you posted on this situation..

April 19, 2007

Well tomorrow is the day of the cerclage, however to not take away from "Aiden's Blog" i made a new one for me. if your interested the address is www.jessicakoren.blogspot.com

As for the little man, well he is doing fabulous. He had early intervention today and she is just amazed at him and how far he has come. He has a pulmonary appointment tomorrow and an eye exam on monday. Other then that, our plan is to re-coop and enjoy the awesome weather we are suppose to have this week end. I am sure there will be plenty of Daddy and Aiden time as mommy is in bed.. But that's ok as long as my babies are safe and my little man is happy.

April, 16, 2007

Well my cold is just about gone (I think) which is a good thing since the cerclage is scheduled for Friday and I don't want to be sick or I don't think they will do it. I have an appt on Wed for an ultrasound and can't wait. I'm excited for that. Everyone else (Daddy and Aiden) are doing good. No colds for Daddy but Aiden has been a little cranky. It's been on and off, but last night his appetite wasn't so great and he felt a little warm to me. I gave him so tylenol and for his feeding at 9, instead of formula I gave him some pedilyte. Then this morning he seemed 100% better. Eating like a champ again. Chuck said he was i a great mood all day (as was he yesterday) then got cranky about 3 o'clock today. Kinda the same as yesterday too. I've also noticed he isn't taking any long naps. He usually takes 2 half hour naps and then one nap for atleast 2 hours sometimes 3. Lately thought he's only been napping 30 mins here and there. So that could be part of it too. I could tell he was tired at 3 today and he finally went down but only for 30 mins. THen we went for a ride to see Daddy at work and he dozed off on the way home, about 10 seconds from the house. I felt bad cause I knew he'd wake up as soon as we had to get out of the car. AND he did! That was about 5 and he fell back to sleep at 6. It's now 7:30 and he's still out cold. So it will be one of two things. He will either be up by 8 to eat or he'll sleep through the night. He's done it before and then in the morning is FULL of energy.. HA HA
But just like us, I am sure they tire themselves out and just need that one day of tons of sleep.
Sweet Dreams my baby boy.. Sleep well, if anyone knows what it's like to run ragged it would be me. Thursday I was so sick chuck stayed home to take care of Aiden and I actually fell asleep at 6pm and slept til 7:30am...

On to another subject I wanted to let everyone know Team: Chase's Angels is walking again for the walk America on May 5th, 2007. This time we are also walking for Aiden. I wanted to change the name to Chase and Aiden's Angels but didn't know how.
Well if you would like to walk with our team let me know, or you can donate under our team name at www.walkamerica.com/jessicaferris

And to everyone else who is walking.. Good Luck to you!!

I'm now going to go check on my little man so until next time. xoxo

April 11, 2007

Happy 10 Months Aiden!!!!

And today we weighed in at 19 pounds... Don't ask how long he is cause I have no idea. I couldn't take him to the appt today cause I was working so Daddy took him. Well Daddy doesn't pay attention to those things so he had no idea either, which erked Mommy but what can ya do. I'll just make sure he checks at his next appt next week.

We have also learned to roll some and move all over the place on our back. It is the funniest thing because he almost looks like he is doing the stair stepper, but then gets going and he is off. One second he is right where you put him and the next he is two feet away. He'll be just like me, crawl backwards first. I did exactly the same thing he is doing now.. First moved all over on my back then finally crawled, but not forward.. Backwards.. Hey I was a little off (which I never grew out of) ha ha.

Tomorrow we have EI after a little break again, so we will see what she says when she sees him. I think he has learned so much in the past month and OMG is so wiggly..

April 9, 2007

Easter was a really good day.. We stated off a little late but everything still went well.
We took Chase his Easter Bunny and easter egg and left it on his stone, said our "we miss and love you's" and then headed to my moms.. Dinner was great and it was a pretty good day for Aiden too.
I took some pictures of him with his Easter bunny (both him and Chase got the same ones).. I think the bunny may be bigger then he is LOL but he was all smiles..

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday..

April 7, 2007

Well Aiden passed his swallow study on Thursday, and I knew he would, but they had a heck of a time getting him to drink that bottle. He drank off the spoon, he drank from a cup, but every time they put the bottle in his mouth, he's suck like his binki, realize something was coming out of it and want NO part of it. THe girl said he is stubborn and at the age that if he has no interest in something, then he isn't going to do it. SO! it's onward with training with the sippy cup so we can get him to drink enough and have the g-tube out. Since the only reason at this point for the tube is to get him fluids.. UGH!!

He's come so far though, and I look back at pictures and think of everything we have gone through and it still makes my jaw drop. For all we have battled we should be some of the strongest people in the world. Well if that saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, is true.

Easter is tomorrow so for all who celebrate it, Happy Bunny Day!, We will be going to Nonny's house (my moms) for dinner and time with the family. I just wish the weather was better. It is finally at the end of RSV season (Aiden gets his last shot next week) and it's so cold out that it makes you just want to stay inside. No kid should have to still wear a winter hat in April.. Grrrr
That's not to say I don't take him out, cause he loves the outside, but I just wish it was warm and sunny, not cold wet and 40 degrees. Enough already Mother Nature, bring on the sun..

I also took some more pictures, so here they are... I now he's cute huh.. LOL
I'm such a proud mommy.. but who wouldn't be.. I still can't believe in 2 months he will be 1. My little man will be a year old. Being such a preemie though he is still smaller the the "normal" 1 yr old, so I get my "little" babu for a little bit longer.. Hey, I don't want him to grow up too fast, and it does happen really fast.. I use to listen to moms say it all the time, and it did seem as kids would grow so quick, but when it's your kid it seems even faster..
And just think, two more coming.. Three in diapers.. WOW will we be BUSY!!! (and poor) LOL

April 3, 2007

Well we are officially a "big boy" ! Today was our check up with surgery and all went well. We weighed in at 18 pounds 14 ounces... Yes my boy can eat, and the doctors are happy since a lot of preemies are usually really little. Some at a year old, only weigh in at 12 to 15 pounds... Not our kid.. And he is getting taller (finally) He can reach the floor in his jumper with flat feet (before he needed a 2 inch box under him) and that has come about in only a few weeks..
Although I think he will out grow his infant car seat by weight before height. The limit on ours is 22 pounds and although I am unsure of the length, I think he has a ways to go..

Other then this there isn't much new news to post.. He is won't take enough from a bottle to matter so we assume he will have to keep his G-tube for a bit longer in fear that with out it he'd get dehydrated. We will see what the doctors say. All in all he is learning, growing, and just being the best baby ever. Well if you pick him up and bounce him 24-7.. HA HA
I've never seen a baby who likes to bounce as much as Aiden does. He even refuses to stand. He'll automaticly start bouncing as soon as his feet touch anything.. You, the floor, the bed.. ANYTHING!! He cracks me up, but sometimes it gets hard cause your arms can only take so much..

As for me, well I might start my own blog to post updates on how things go with this pregnancy and the twins. I don't want to intrude too much on this one since it's more of "Aiden's Blog" in my eyes. Once I get that situated I'll post the link, but so far so good. I am almost 10 week, I'm currently on meds to keep me from being so queezy and vomiting, which is working, and I'm just taking it one day at a time. Thinking positive and looking forward (with a little fear too) to my next ultrasound on the 18th. Then I go in for the cerglage on the 20th..

Well Aiden is calling, and before he starts "demanding: my attention I will let you all go..
Til next time.. Keep positive thoughts coming.. xox